Sounds within the Calmness
by Cardlover95
Summary: Jin Kisaragi silently thought about his life, thought about the pretty, innocent girl that follow him all the time. In between the calmness of his mind. A faint voice came out...
1. Sounds within the Calmness

**Author's notes: Hi everyone, It's been a long time since I last update a chapter of my stories. Well, I'm recently quite busy with my school work so the progresses of my stories are delayed. Anyway, the fifth chapter of "Never See, Never Know" will be released on 5th August. (two days after my birthday!) This story is a short story about Jin's thinking which I get some inspirations during the work on "Shape of My Soul". I think it would be a little bit confuse about my writing style so:**

**1st-Italic part is Jin's thinking**

**2nd-Normal part is his reality**

**3rd-Bold part is the voice inside his thinking (except for the tittle of this story and the Author's notes) :-D**

**The edition work on "Change the World" is completed. "The True Heart" is still in the process of fixing. **

**Well, that's all. Now let's concentrate on the story down here. ENJOY THE STORY!**

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><p><strong>Sounds within the Calmness<strong>

_My soul, my life for long time had already been buried under the thickest, coldest layer of ice_

_I looked around, only to see the emptiness within my heart._

_The pitch black shadows that engraved an unbendable gap in my soul_

_I ran away…_

_Desperately struggled in the potent grip of isolation_

_Hopelessly lost in the maze of despair_

_Why does it have to be me!_

_Who am I?_

…_Nothing…_

…_._

_-I had nothing—_

_The buried memories still ached in my head every single day of my lifetime_

_I could run, run as fast as I could afford….._

_But…_

_I couldn't hide away from it….._

_Forever._

_I had a brother but someone had stolen him away from me _

_Why can't I remember a thing?_

_I tried to dig my brain, just to find anything, even a small piece of memory, that remained in my mind which could tell me about my brother._

_The sick smile…._

_The bottomless darkness with suffocating atmosphere that surrounded me …_

_The scream echoed painfully and annoyingly in my head…._

"_**JIN! BRING HER AWAY AND RUN"**_

"_**Ahhhh! What are you doing, Jin?"**_

"_**ARRGGHHH, MY ARMS, IT … GRAAARRHHHH!"**_

"_**Hiaaahhahahahah"**_

_The broken sound of the cracking wooden house_

_The extreme heat…_

_The burning log fell down from the ruined ceiling_

"Congratulation, Captain Kisaragi. You have proven your exceptional skill in combat and more over, with your incredible success on the Ikaruga battle field, the Imperator has decided to give you a promotion to the rank of Major. Everyone, please give him some applauses for his outstanding efforts." The old, white bearded man stood beside me said out loud in the loudspeaker as everyone clapped their hand soundly in the whole hall. I surveyed my bored eyes around the place and found nothing but the noisy crowd of soldiers who raised their arms in the air and felicitated me. I slowly walked down the stage, walked in between the clear path toward the door.

The cheering sounds still faintly reverberated in my ears.

I don't care. As I opened the steel door, the shinning light intruded into the hall, brighten the whole place. I lifted my small palm and covered my eyes from the sudden beam and continued my way to the place I had always been to whenever I stand between the boundary of sanity and insanity.

_The light looked so bright and warm_

_But…_

_Why can't I feel a thing?_

_Even the slightest sign of living in it._

_All I could sense was a numb coldness and the darkness that cloud away my sight._

_I see the same light in the luxurious mansion._

_In which, I groggily opened my eyes with the very first intense contact of the loneliness to my soul._

"_From now on, you will be a member of the Kisaragi family." A declaration was set. I didn't even say a word. I abandoned my past, threw it into the oblivion and become a new man with a new life. It will start everything over._

_The golden medal was lying soullessly on my palm._

_Shinned on front of my eyes sarcastically_

_I asked myself_

_Why…?_

_Why…?_

_WHY?_

I held my head agonizingly and growled like a beast in a silent place as I rolled on the cold ground. I knew that no one could hear it. I'm standing in the middle of the solitude.

"Damn you, memories. GO AWAY!" I shouted. The tremendous pain was sneaking into the deepest of my brain as I was on the edge of the sanity valley, where I could fall to the pitch dark bottom of madness easily. I walked slowly toward my little place.

_The gap in my heart just enlarged gradually through time_

_The sear__ wound from inside_

_Why does she have to appear in my life?_

_Noel Vermillion!_

_That girl with kind soul_

_Why does your life have to be so warm and simple?_

_I envied you._

_I love your bright smile…_

_Love your splendid silky-look hair_

_Love your giggle_

_Love your angelic soul that is faintly shinned in the corner of mine._

_But at the same time_

_I hate you so much…._

_Why do you have to have that face…?_

_That goddamn face of the person who stole my life, my happiness._

_Why don't you say anything…?_

_Not even a thing when I hurt you so bad._

_Looked at your crying face…_

_DAMN IT!_

_I CAN'T AFFORD TO STRIKE DOWN ON IT._

_I WANT TO KILL YOUR FACE!_

_But why?_

_Why do I fall in love with that soul of yours? _

_Why do have to make me feel guilty whenever you yelp in pain?_

I panted heavily and swept my hand along my forehead to clean the cold sweat. I arrived at a small pond with some trees near the water. The surface was so smooth as if there was nothing, even a slightest breeze. I sat down on the leafy ground and there was cracking sound of falling autumn came out. It is shady, the sunlight hardly reached the place as the only source of light was the dim beam of the sun sneaked through the thinnest, flattest gap between the dense trees. I closed my eyes and drifted into the calmness.

_Listen…._

_Listen…._

_I hear something…_

_Just a gentle sound of a leaf fell down from the tree…_

_That was the end of circle of life._

_I wonder…_

_What would it like…?_

_If I live the life of a leaf._

_Dance along with the night…_

_In the background melody of the wind._

_I could hear the touch on the surface…_

_I could feel the ripple…_

_I could hear a faint sound…_

_Of a step, even it was so soft._

"Major Kisaragi." An angelic whispering voice reached my ears from the reality.

I opened my eyes and only to see the slim girl with stunning emerald orbs, her delicated blond hair fluttered in the air as the cool breeze skimmed through the place. I stood up and stared at her from head to toe.

"Lieutenant Vermillion." I muttered as the girl walked toward me.

"Why are you here?" She said.

_Please give me some time alone_

_What should I do to you?_

_I can't do anything in front of you_

_I hate you so much that I want to get rid of you_

_Yet…_

_I love you so much that I can't lay a hand on your beautiful soul_

"That ought to be my line. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to find you. You've been missing for a couple of hours. I-I…I'm worried about you." She said shyly with a blush on her face.

_I don't need anyone to worry about me_

_Who the hell are you to think that I'm a foolish child to have myself lost?_

_But…_

_Why do you have to care so much about me?_

_You deserve to have someone better than me..._

_Someone who can take care of you…_

_Someone who won't hurt you like I do…_

_Someone…_

I placed my hand on her cheek. I just wanted to grip it, to squeeze it in anger. No, I can't. I had lost myself in her look.

_Her cheeks…_

_It was so soft…_

_So … warm_

_I can feel the embrace of her kindness._

_I can feel the heat of life._

_The heat that slowly melted the ice wrapped around my heart._

"Major, let me follow you. As long as I'm with you, I dare to jump to the hell fire if I need to do that to help you. Please don't hate me, I just want you to like me?" She sobbed as her small palm reached mine.

"I don't hate you. Because I love…" The burning anguish once again overwhelmed me, everything was seemingly hazy to me.

"Major… Major!"

_The words she said…_

_Full of concern._

_I just want to sleep._

_I just want some peace._

_Her voice…_

_Is like the faint sound within the calmness_

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><p><strong>AN: What do you think about it? I hope you guys like it. Jin is a good guy after all (I believe so). Even if he isn't as good as I thought. I will make him a good guy so that he will be a perfect guy for Noel. Oh, in this story, Jin haven't died yet. He just fainted away due to the pain. He will have his Noel takes a good care of him. So, nothing too bad will happen.  
><strong>

**Anyway, thanks everyone for reading it, please review this one.  
><strong>

**Cardlover95**


	2. Angelic Dance on Ice

**Author's note: Hello again, I've been super busy due to my study so it would take some extra time for me to update new and old stories. This is the second and final chapter of "Sounds within the Calmness" I hope you guys like it. Enjoy the chapter!**

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><p><strong>Sounds within the Calmness<strong>

**Chapter 2:**

**Angelic Dance on Ice**

_Splink…._

…

_Splink…._

_The water drops above me_

_Little by little…_

_Faster and faster…_

_Rougher and rougher…_

_The attire I'm wearing._

_Wet and cold_

"_What do I fight for?"_

"_Why do I exist?"_

…

_Just one blank answer wanders in my head_

"_I don't know"_

_I have nowhere to go now._

I raised my eyes and looked to the faraway sky. I saw nothing but grey clouds that blurred my vision, the very sorrowful surge of emotion slowly filled inside me, devoured my soul from inside. I couldn't do anything. Where was I?

"Major? Huhh! Major!" That voice again, I knew it. This girl again and again appeared in front of me with the same thing be spoken every time we met.

"What do you want? Just leave me …. LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted out loud as my waves of breathing went heavily and tiredly. The more I said, the more she concern as she approached me and looked me worryingly.

"Please, Major. I can't afford to leave you like this. You're in a bad fever."

_Those eyes…._

_Those innocents eyes again._

_Don't look at me like that._

_I'm totally helpless against it._

_Can you go somewhere else?_

_And give me some lonely moments._

"Just go home, you don't have to look after me. I'm fine." I said coldly while inside my body, I felt like being burned by the scorching hell fire due to the sickness. As I turned my back toward her and took a few steps away. Something rushed toward me from behind and wrapped around my waist tightly, stopped me from moving any further. I let out a deep, defeated sighed because I know what it was.

"Jin… Please don't hurt my heart. I-I…. can't afford to lose you if you keep tormenting yourself… like this." She said while squeezing her embrace tensely. I can tell that she was crying by judging her trembling voice. Once again, I felt a pang of guilty crawled in my stomach.

_Just why?_

_Just give me reason…._

_Why do you give me so much care?_

_Even for what I had done to you._

_Even when I'm not deserve to have it._

_Why do you have to cry so much?_

_So that I feel bad whenever you do so _

_You're so clueless about me._

_You never know…._

_Because you never see…_

…

_You never see me scream out loud…_

_So you never know I'm in pain._

_You never see my tears…_

_So you never know the gap inside my heart._

_You never see me panic…_

_So you never know that I'm lost._

I went silent and tried my best to suppress my mixing emotions to be flow out. I faced the sky as a warm wave of water streamed out from my eyes, reached its way toward my chin and fell down along with the cold rain. I didn't know what to do now. How useless I was!

_I don't know who I am_

_I don't know how to care take of myself_

_I don't know how to make a friend._

_I don't know where to go._

_I don't know who to trust…_

_Then …_

_What is the purpose of my life?_

"Lieutenant Vermillion. I appreciate your concern but I really have to go now. So can you let go of me?" I said softly and pulled out her two gripping arms.

"I will do anything to make you happy, I promise! I will sacrifice many things for you. I …I love you, Major. I don't ask you to love me back but all I want in my life is to see your smile, your happiness…" She cried even harder.

_I perceive that…_

_I know your efforts…_

_You try to bring me the smile._

_You try to share me your own happiness._

_You try to be helpful to me_

_You try to find out more about me._

_Just what you don't notice_

_I enjoy every song you sing_

_I secretly read the poem you write_

_And inwardly smile those innocent lines..._

_So childish but full of joy._

"I don't know what to say, you love me…but how can I return it if I kept on hurting you? I don't deserve your love. You can go and find other men."

"But I can stand it, I …" before she could finish her sentence, I just grabbed her face with my right hand and pressed my lips on hers lightly, no pushing, no forcing, just a simple kiss. I lasted it for some moment before parted away in the shocking and blushing expression on her face. I had no choice but to freeze her with my spell.

"Jin…" That word, my name…. was the very last one I could hear from her before the ice totally covered her.

"I'm sorry." I said and walked away.

"Division 4, Lieutenant Vermillion is currently trapped in a powerful spell. I order a spell breaker squad to arrive and rescue her. Report the status of Major Jin Kisaragi as missing. Over!"

_If my life is like an ice field._

_You will be just like an angel…_

_Sent by the high God._

_You dance around the field._

_Perform your splendid moves and brighten my space._

_If I had a wish._

_I would wish to have a very normal life._

_So that I can smile happily_

_So that I can hug you in my arms._

_So I can join you…_

_And dance along with your angelic dance on ice._

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><p><strong>AN: Ok, the end. Well, it was a little bit short since I didn't have much free time to expand the ideas. Poor Jin, he just can't have his own true love. I think I will try writing some story in Noel's views. "Shape of My Soul" will be released next month. Just wait for it and enjoy. I hope that more people would read my stories "The True Heart", "Change the World", "Never See, Never Know" and this one and leave some more comment so that I could write more stories with experiences and joys. Ok, that's all. Let's review.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Cardlover95**


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